WHERE THE DEAD THINGS LIE – or as I like to call it, the old appliance cupboard

We all have them.  Cupboards where we have shoved all the appliances that we have bought over the years that have been duds.  Yet we cannot seem to bring ourselves to throw them out.  Perhaps that’s just me.  Anyhoo, I’ve got one.   And I’m biting the bullet.

I’m tossing the lot!

So what do we have?

I’ve got an old bullet.  Not even a Magic Bullet!  And definitely not a Nutri-Bullet.  I probably bought it about ten years ago.  I remember the excitement of having those little clear plastic mugs that you could attach straight to the motor and whiz up smoothies (as long as you didn’t use anything lumpy of course).   I used it once.  Yep, once.  And the kitchen was filled with the smell of burning metal.  And my smoothie was not even smooth yet!   Of course, I hadn’t kept the docket, or if I had, I couldn’t find it.  So it was shoved in the cupboard, in case I did manage to find the docket.   Of course the stupid plastic cups fall out of the cupboard every bloody time I open it.  I’m going to throw them away soon.

Then there was my first stick mixer.  It was a K-Mart brand.  All white and shiny and promising all measure of wonderful abilities.   Yep.  I think it lasted three months.  I wanted to mix up some whipped cream one day and it wouldn’t start.
I thought it was the power point because, you know, this was a miracle machine that couldn’t possibly stop working for no reason at all.  Guess what….. it did.   Into the cupboard with you.  I was going to throw it out with the next rubbish collection.

Of course we all had our first electric mixer.  Well, my first mixer was a Sunbeam, and it was still working 28 years after I got it!  I loaned it to my
sons girlfriend.  They broke up, I never got it back.  But that’s OK.  I decided to just buy a new one.  I thought, it’s a mixer, they’re pretty much of a muchness, right?  Wrong.  You get what you pay for.  Apparently the 5th speed is “broken now”.  It burned out on the second use.  Into the cupboard, and I’ll toss it out next week.

Food Processors.  Dream making mechanical wonders.  I had bought it and it had sat in the cupboard for about three months before I even took it out
of the box.  It took me about 40 minutes to put it together and work out how to turn it on.   I was mixing up cake mix (because you know, my hand mixer was loaned out).   Do you know how difficult it is to scrape cake mix out of those things when it’s only half mixed and the machine has seized up?   I finally cleaned it all up and tried it empty.. bugger me, it worked!  I put it back in the cupboard.  The next time I tried to use it…… kablooey.  Burned out motor.

I have bought a new food processer recently.  A reasonably good one too!  But I’ve hardly used it because it’s quicker for me to chop and slice things by hand with a knife than it is to get it out of the cupboard and set it up, making sure I’m using the right blade, and then go through the drama of pulling it apart, washing it all, making sure each piece is dry, then putting it back together and returning it to the cupboard.  But it works!

Blenders.  I’ve owned about five.  They’ve all been shit.  I had two stashed in the cupboard.  Why?  I have no idea.  I just know neither of them worked.  But jugs were still OK, so in my mind I might buy another one that these jugs might fit………… wrong.   My current blender is used to blend up smoothies.  Well it was.  During my green smoothie phase, which lasted about eight days, when I finally gave up because it would be full of lumps and stringy bits that I would literally have to chew belying the word “smooth”

what I have  what I should have 

Apparently you need to spend $850 plus on a blender to make green smoothies smooth.   The one I have still works though, and it lives on my kitchen bench (which is small and really shouldn’t be home to an unused appliance, but there isn’t any room in the old appliance cupboard.  I can still use it for blending icecream into milk….. add banana at your own risk.  You will be chewing your smoothie.

I used to have an electric knife in the 80’s.  Until I got it jammed into the knuckle of a roast and broke the blade… into the cupboard.

I’ve also got one of those mini processors for
making pesto.  Do you have any idea how much basil you need to make enough pesto for a family of five?   Yep…. it’s in the cupboard.

I have a bread maker!  It lives in that cupboard.  It worked well for three years.  But with three sons, all I was doing was making little loaves of bread that took 3 hours to cook and would be eaten in thirteen minutes.   Then I got sick of making tiny loaves of bread, so it sat in the cupboard for about 8 years.  I pulled it out and tried it about two months ago.  And it worked!!  And I got a crook stomach from eating too much white bread!  It’s back in the cupboard.

I believe I am the black death for electric kitchen appliances.  I don’t really know why I don’t just throw them into the bin straight away.  It’s like, they might magically come back to life, or I might buy a new one, and the “bits” will fit the new one, so therefore, it would be worthwhile holding on to it for a while.  Just in case.  But just in case never comes.  So out they have all gone.  The bin weighs a tonne.  But it’s done.  I now have room for my working blender and the juicer that I also don’t use any more because it is a bitch to clean.

From now on, I am only going to store working appliances that I don’t use in the appliance cupboard.

Next in my sights is the plastics cupboard…   


About Juuls

50(mumbles) Daughter, Wife, Mother, Frustrated writer, Doer of not much if I can help it. I am NOT a morning person. Short attention spa OOH! Kittens!! I jiggle, therefore I am.
This entry was posted in Humour, Life, My Life, Retirement and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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