Once upon a time I used to have a job. And I was extremely good at it, if I do say so myself, and, I used to blog about it because if I didn’t I might have gone completely batty. This is a glimpse into what I used to do.
Anyone who’s job involves greeting the public and answering switchboard will understand the strange and wacky world that is “Reception”. I have seen and heard some strange, funny, scarey and downright weird things over the last 6 years… and it has been suggested several times that I should write about them…. well clearly I can’t tell you everything… but I suppose I can let you know what the view is like from the front seat… and so I shall write about some of the things that I encounter…. all in good fun of course!!!
Any given Monday you can find me… sitting at the reception desk at work… a mixture of fun, happiness and loathing… I arrive at work usually quite usually happy to be there, although there is always that Monday morning where you would rather be peeling off your own skin with your teeth rather than be at work… But generally I look forward to catching up with people, begin taking calls and generally be the old bag at reception that you see when you walk in the doors. And about 20 minutes in to my day… the realisation hits….. It’s Monday…. group interview day….. Oh….. yay …… If it were at all possible to write with a font that drips sarcasm… that’s what that “yay” would be written with….
I have mixed feelings about group interviews… It is great that we have so many people wanting to work for us… it’s a great company and there are many many wonderful people working for us… but its just …. well… if you have ever been to a group interview… have you actually checked out your competition? No? It’s …. interesting… There is always the chirpy, bubblyl happy person (who shits me to death being like that so early on a Monday), there’s the emo one… with depressing hair and makeup and several facial piercings that make my eyes water, there’s the school kid looking for after school and weekend work, and there’s always the one that is there because they “have” to be… (not my favorite kind).
And there’s ALWAYS the ones that turn up late… and have excuses… the excuses are the fun part of my morning… Seriously.. I’ve heard em all.. I got lost (hmmm, OK.. if I go somewhere totally new.. I check out exactly where I’m going either in a street directory, on the internet, or ask… I also leave about 1/2 hour earlier than I need to .. just in case I do get lost). The bus took me to the wrong street (yeah… well that one I can’t help, but surely you check where the buses are going before you get on one… I can’t comment as its been *mumbles* years since I caught a bus). I couldnt find a park (ok.. again… going somewhere unfamiliar… leave earlier… I hate repeating myself)… ooh… here’s a good one… I had to take my friend somewhere first and it took longer than I thought (WTF!!! you have an interview for a job.. which you clearly need… tell your friend to catch a bus or taxi or walk) I couldnt find the building (seriously?? Its a frikken huge building on a corner… you couldnt see it???? ) And…. Sorry I’m a few minutes late (Mate! You’re 45 minutes late dude… ….. blank face … yep… no concept of time… excellent ….) I am still waiting for The dog ate my resume (now that one would make me laugh).
I have a spiel that I go through… welcoming them to the interview… asking them to sign in… asking them to write their name on a sticker and put on their shirt/top … sounds easy? Apparently it’s not that easy… I need a set of flash cards with pictures I think…. It may save my voice and my sanity… constantly repeating the same instructions over and over and over…. not to different people… usually to the same person (there is ALWAYS one that cannot understand what I am telling them.) I have even developed hand actions… I write with a magical invisible pen on the sign in sheet – to demonstrate how to do it… I then move across to the sticker sheet and pretend to write on a sticker… then peel off an imaginary sticker and stick it on my own chest) You think that would work…. NUH UH….. :-\ I have about 26,000 virtual stickers on my chest at this point in time…. (maybe that’s where all that extra weight on the scales is coming from?????? *starts peeling off 26,000 virtual stickers in hope that my weight will drop*) As a last resort… I have had to actually write their name on the stickers for them and peel them off and give them to them….I cannot tell you how tempted I am to write “Loser” “No-Hoper” “Emo” or my favorite “Do Not Employ Me.. I’m Useless”. I can pretty much guarantee none of those applicants work for us now… (at least I hope not!!!)
I also love the ones that storm out half way through their interview because they have been told that they are not going to be allowed to have black lipstick and drawn on tears at work… and their piercings must be removed… However, I have often wondered how handy it would be to have a hole in your ear large enough to carry a pen… at least you would always know where your pen was!!!
I think I should get a very very large coffee provided at the end of these sessions… just to calm my nerves and rejuvenate me… *makes mental note to put in that request this Monday…. ask for VERY LARGE COFFEE *
So that is a little glimpse into my Monday mornings, the view from the front seat…. fun times people…. fun times…..