I have long had dreams of being a singer. A dancer. A musician. An actor. But now I’ve hit my mid 50’s its blatantly clear that this is all they have been. Dreams. These are the things that move me, drive my spirit along. And I’m OK with them only being dreams. We all need them. The trick is being able to make the decision to chase them, or to be satisfied with them just being dreams. I chose the latter. I’ve found other ways to express myself artistically. I write. I make vids using music that I love. I fiddle around with art programs creating wallpapers and pictures that I share with my friends.
I am clearly an artsy type of person. I suppose I always was, looking back at myself as a child. I loved colouring books, drawing, painting, I loved playing with clay or plasticine as we had back then, and building elaborate things out of lego which was awkward back then cos basically you only got blocks and wheels, none of the fancy bits and pieces that kids these days have. (Oh the things I could have built with all those bibs and bobs)
I was also the frustrated director of plays and melodramatic performances that I made my brother and cousins perform at Christmas time for the family. I would spend hours writing out parts for everyone, organising costumes, hammering them through rehearsals to get their lines right. Perhaps I should have been a director? Ah well, we all make a choice to follows paths that are layed out in front of us. Some have lots of choices, some have only a few. I took a path that led me from high school, into a secretarial job, sport, marriage, kids, family and I have, for the most part, loved it. I would not change getting married and having kids for anything. But there are times when I wonder, what if I’d just taken the chance and tried singing, or acting or writing. What if? People say, just do it now. Which is tempting, but where would I start at my age?
So I just sing around the house, or inflict myself upon people at karaoke when I get the chance (I’m told I am a good singer but who knows), I dance as though nobody is looking (or when I’m out and everybody is looking – what do I care?) I do my artsy things and keep writing ongoing fictional stories which I post and surprisingly, people have been reading and following ! And so I find myself satisfied for the moment. I do have a dream to write an actual novel. I started it, but got stalled. I hope to get back to it one day soon or start a new one. I suppose there are courses I could take, or I could go back to school, but the costs are often prohibitive for the things that I’m interested in, plus by the time I graduated, I’d be too old to employ. And so I keep my dreams to myself.
But I am not unhappy. Not at all. I am satisfied with the way things are going. I have travel ahead of me. I have engagement parties and weddings and grandchildren ahead of me.
I have my life ahead of me. And that makes me very happy.